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n ⁿ & Å ╓ C W ] ┌! @$ ƒ& ) k+ L. ╘0 `3 {5 ∙ ²Fools' Ebony ²Part the ²Twoth ∙ ÷ ² Dramatis Personae Prologue The Adventurer, A Dark Elf Rascal Komon, A Priest of Akatosh Lheban, Another Priest of Akatosh Epilogue Stete, A Priest of Julianos Raic, Another Priest of Julianos Shub, A Mage Shub, A Different Mage of the Same Name Nephron, A Somewhat Sleazy Merchant 5 Armorers Ortho Crunn, Husband of Millie A Lusty Contessa Millie, Innkeep and Philosopher Gurnsey, Bovine Wench Assorted Wenches and Cads of the Taverns Soldiers Dwarves Giants Part The Twoth - Bearing Mostly on Fools' Ebony and Temples Same place, same Inn, A bottle or two later. Enter Prologue, the Adventurer, and Lheben ÷ Prologue: Little has occured so far in our comedic drama. The Adventurer, our √ Dark Elf rascal, has bought drinks √ for two priests of Akatosh. All √ have drunk considerably. One of √ the priests has rushed off in √ pursuit of his lamp girl. And, √ unless I've forgotten something or √ something happened when I was √ paying attention to something else, √ that's a complete synopsis of Part √ the Oneth. Ah, here come two more ÷√ priests. Humble Prologue must √ depart. (Enter Raic and Stete) Raic: Evening Lheban! Evening stranger. My fellow priest here is Stete, I am Raic. √ We are honored to serve Julianos. Adventurer: What is this, anyway - Priests night out? And ... I thought that your √ Temples - Akatosh, Julianos, the rest √ ... I thought them all cut-throat √ competitors. In theology and gold, if √ you will forgive my bluntness. Yet you √ all seem the best of friends ..? Come to think ÷of it, didn't I have √ words with Stete earlier, you said √ you were of the Temple of Stendarr? Raic: A common misconception, friend ... Lheban: ... but one that we ... encourage ... Raic: Really, we all work together closely, move between the Temples as needs √ dictate ... Lheban: ... exchange information ... Raic: ... share funds ... Stete: ... swap our sisters ... (Lheben kicks Stete) (Enter Prologue) Prologue: Sorry to interrupt the merry slapstick, but I neglected to mention earlier that ÷√ the Fools' Gold saga -- if that is the √ word -- contains gratuitous reference √ to priestly misdeeds and sexual excess. √ I hope those of you in the audience of √ peevish, prudish, sullen, frumpy, or √ grumpy demeanors are not offended. Now √ then, on with the entertainment. (Exit Prologue) Lheban: ... and all that ... Raic: But it helps in our ... holy work, if we are perceived as separate and, uh, √ competitive... ÷ Lheban: Mind you, there are one or two, er ... religious organizations ... well, sort √ of ... that we do not have anything to √ do with ... Raic: Nothing at all, nothing at all ... animals, just animals ... Adventurer: Such as ..? Lheban: Weeell -- the Dark Brotherhood for one ... nasty bunch of thugs ... and then √ there's the Afterdark Society ... (aside to Raic) √ This fellow, seems a decent sort of chap ... seems to know something about Mages and Fools' Ebony ... Raic: (aside to Lheban) Really now ... how ÷interesting... √ (to all) Hey fellow, have another bottle -- √ this will bless you throat. My, my, yes √ indeed it will... Adventurer: Thanks Raic, don't mind a bit ... Lheban: But let me continue -- I was explaining about this Fools' Ebony to you ... Raic: Yes, Fools' Ebony ... Lheban: Well. Fools' Ebony now. Well, you know about ordinary Ebony, how it's rare, √ only some dwarven clans dig it and sell √ it. And not too many, these days and √ times ... ÷ Stete: How's that popular song go ..? (singing) √ Where have all the Old Dwarves gone, √ Long time ago ... (Lheben throws Innkeep at Stete) (Raic breaks chair on Innkeep and Stete) (Innkeep loses consciousness) Lheban: There's a pile of real ebony up in the Wrothgarians somewhere north, I hear √ tell. You know how that dullish black √ ebony gets worked over by Mages, by √ some skilled armorers, made into all √ kinds of potent weapons, amulets, √ belts, what have you. All fetch a huge √ price, when you can find any. And how ÷√ the best was made long ago, by those √ old dwarves ... (Stete rises to his feet) (Lheban kicks Stete back down) (The Adventurer loosens his tunic) Lheban: Oh my! Oh, my apologies, friend, Sir! I see you have -- what's that? An √ ebony torc? Oh my, and an ebony katana! √ Oh My! Oh My, My! So, of course, you √ know all that, sir. Adventurer: Oh, that's all right, you didn't know. Here, have another bottle ... Lheban: Many thanks, kind Sir. Well, then you know how every adventurer, even snotty ÷√ kids, all the dungeon-delvers, are √ always looking for ebony artifacts, √ weapons, whatnot. But what you may not know, some of the √ more experienced delvers hunt for raw √ ebony lodes, piles, dwarven leavings. That stuff, the raw ebony, is far more √ valuable. Adventurer: The raw unshaped material that provides work ... and power ... for so few? √ Apparently just loaded with negative √ magicka? Raic: Right, right! Lheban: Yes, right so! Quite so! Well, Fools' Ebony now. Looks just about like the ÷√ real raw stuff. Runs in veins in the √ deep rocks. Feels the same, smells √ almost the same. But the big √ difference: it's not real ebony. No √ power at all. If you pick some up, it √ gets you hands a bit dirty. Softer √ too, by all accounts. But sort of √ shiny too. But who can tell all that, √ deep in some old mine, maybe a ghoul √ breathing down your neck! So it's just √ grab and run, I guess, down in those √ nasty holes. So the fools, the kids, ÷√ the crazy delvers, are always hauling up a bag, a sack, of Fools' Ebony. √ And getting laughed at by the merchants, √ dealers, mages, us ... hence the Fools' part. Stuff just gets thrown into the √ Bay ... Adventurer: Yeah, that's sort of what I ... er ... heard from some Mages. But I √ heard something else, too ... Lheban: And just what was that, friend ... if you want to tell us, of course ... Sir. Adventurer: Oh, of course! I think that we can come to ... er ... an arrangement? Lheban and Raic (Together): Certainly, Oh Yes! Adventurer: So, yeah, so these mages -- Shub and Shub, ÷ they are always called Shub, aren't they? √ -- anyway, these old guys were saying how √ this Fools' Ebony can burn. Not magically, √ but like an ordinary piece of wood. But √ the flame lasts far longer, gives off √ lots more heat, makes no smoke to speak √ of, no noise ... very interesting ... √ Mages were saying as how the alchemists √ want it, to heat the retorts and flasks √ ... How the Mages Guild wants it, to make √ and sell ... er ... fake amulets and the √ like ... rotten trick that! And especially ÷√ the Armorers, they want it bad, for their √ forges, I guess. And the Alchemists, for √ their alembics ... Lheban: Precisely my information! Now... gets cold up here in the winter, doesn't it? And √ everyone is cutting down all those trees, making siege engines, boats, all that evil √ war machinery! All those rich royals and √ merchants got to heat their great big piles √ of homes. So their Contessas can run around √ in next to nothing, instead of furs... Stete: ... just like my sister ... (Lheben bites Stete's arm) (Stete shreiks and falls ÷unconscious) Adventurer: All those armorers got to keep their hearths and furnaces running... Lheban: ... All the Mages got to keep their familiars warm ... Raic: ... All those royals got to keep the contessas running ... Lheban: ... All those peasants got to keep their animals warm ... Adventurer: And To Sheogorath with the wife and kids, right? Ha! And, I guess, its sort of hard √ for you Priests to give blessings and √ cures, when your fingers are all cold and √ stiff ..? Makes getting corks out a tad ÷√ hard, to say nothing of opening those √ little twists of parchment ..? Raic: You speak truly, indeed! Lheban: A man of wisdom, indeed! Yes! Adventurer: So, where do we find this Fools' Ebony -- in quantity? Lheban: You put your finger (you have six, I note -- oh, excuse me, Sir) on the crux of the √ matter. I have heard rumors, just rumors, √ mind you, that there are huge enormous √ veins of this stuff, at one place on the √ surface, far up in the Wrothgarians. Bad, bad place to go. But, if you can get ÷√ there and back, cartloads of the stuff! Adventurer: Thats just what I overheard from those Mages -- far up there in the Wrothgarians √ -- orcs, dragonlings, daedra, Sheogorath √ only knows what ... Those Mages seemed to √ know the spot, though. Mages wanted √ someone to ... Raic: You didn't ... talk ... to the Mages. I mean, you haven't ... Adventurer: Oh no. They didn't even know I was there ... √ (aside) Not yet, anyway... Lheban: Good, good - can't trust those Mages, you know ... old fossils would turn ÷√ their own mothers into sludge-toads, just √ for a bit of gold! Gold-mad, power-mad, √ Mad-mad, the whole rotten lot of them! √ But then they don't have mothers! Raic: Excellent. Seems to me, friend -- or, can we call you partner? Yes? Excellent. Seems to me, partner, √ that my brother priests and you should √ do some digging and poking around -- see √ if we can get to those veins, those √ deposits, eh! Adventurer: Yes indeed, partners! But it would cost a fair pile of gold to get up there -- ÷√ weapons, spells, women, clothing, carts √ and horses, women, food, potions ... Best go well-prepared, up there. Lheban: No problem, partner. Our Temples have ... certain resources, such that if we were √ guaranteed ... sole access, sole knowledge of the location, then we could finance √ someone ... someone with the requisite √ skills, such as yourself? Just by happenstance, I am Keeper of the Books ... √ you see the opportunity? Adventurer: Oh yes! Oh yes! Well -- lets split a last bottle, and shake on an agreement? Lheban: Indeed, let us! We first need information -- who knows about the site up there, ÷√ where it is, how to reach it ... Why don't we meet back here in, say, a √ week, to the hour. And see what we can √ learn, meanwhile? Raic: We need to find a merchant, too. Someone who can handle it for us ... warehouses, √ distribution ... Lheban: And keep a shut mouth! Adventurer: I'll make some inquiries about merchants ... got a contact or two ... Trouble is √ -- well, you know how these things go -- √ few golds here, few there, before you know it you've bribed half the town, or so it √ seems. Now, as luck would have it, I don't ÷√ have much -- got swindled by a wretched √ Mage, some town south of here, and lost √ most of my belongings in a shipwreck ... Lheban: Ah Yes! You need some ... seed money as it were. Raic:√ (To Lheban) Let me lift old Stete's purse, he made a √ lot renting out his sister last week ... Lheban: Thank you, Raic. Here, about 100 gold -- enough ? Adventurer: Oh yes, more than enough for a start, Gentlemen. Good, good, good ... so we √ have a deal? Adventurer: Yes! It's agreed. One week! (Exit Lheban, Raic dragging Stete) (Exit the Adventurer) ÷(Enter Epilogue) Epilogue: Ah, things are happening now, I doubt it not. Patrons, I request that you recall √ that this is a work of fiction created √ by one of the finest writers of the √ asylum, Frincheps, Archprince of All √ Sumurset. There is no such thing as √ Fools' Ebony. Furthermore, Ebony is not √ mined as the priests have described the √ process. Grasp that please. If you can √ still enjoy the play as a rude work of √ fiction, stay with us for Part the ÷√ Threeth. If you can't, farewell. And √ don't forget to tip the wenches. And so endeth Part the Twoth ------------------------------- ÷
